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My Why – Finding Forever

At many of the conferences or speaking events that I’ve attend for creative business owners, one of the big items that’s talked about is our “Why?” Why we do this, why we pursue our passions so diligently and what it means to us. For some time now, I’ve been trying to put into words what my why is. It’s so easy to just say because I love love. Honestly, I feel like that is said too often. So, I’m going to do my absolute best, and for the first time put my why into words.

And yes, I’m going to start with because I love love. And I do. I love it so much that I have been chasing it and trying to find it my whole life. I grew up with some unfortunate circumstances as a child. I was healthy, I was well cared for and I was loved. I really was. I have the most amazing man for a grandfather and he’s been my father for my whole life. My grandma was my best friend as a child, she took me everywhere and if she taught me anything it was to be tough and reslient. But everything else, everything else was crazy and most of it, a blur.

By the time my mother was 21, she was sporting three kids and I can’t imagine what it was like for her. I’m 27 years old and I couldn’t imagine having three kids right now or even one, which is why I don’t. I was too young to know all the reasons why I was going back and forth between periods of living with my grandparents and periods living with my mother. But by the time I was seven, I was permanently with my grandparents.

I had an on again and off again relationship with my mother. There were times where she would actively be a part of my life and times where she would just disappear. There was even a time when I was 15, that I could have chosen to live with her again. I chose to stay with my grandparents, because I knew they loved me and I knew that with them I was safe. My heart was safe. My younger siblings on the other hand chose differently, and it wasn’t surprising that in about a year, they came back. Promises were always broken and while I’m sure my mother loves us, it hadn’t felt like it since I was child.

I started painting a picture perfect dream of how my life would be. That I would find love, true love, and it would be strong. It would withstand obstacles, it would be tested, and it would survive. I believed with all my heart, that two people could love and they could create this beautiful life, and a beautiful family. And I was going to find it.

So how does this relate to why I love to photograph weddings? I’m not entirely sure it does. But to me, it is the most beautiful thing when two people can love unconditionally that they start a life together, that they build a life. They maks promises, they fully intend to keep. And there’s something about a wedding day, where everyone is filled with joy and surrounded by love that fills my heart up. I love being able to capture the joy, raw emotion, intimate moments, and the love that surrounds the couple on their wedding day. And later down the road, those images can be looked back on, and even when times are hard, you can remember that day, where it all started. That love, that is why.

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